DO YOU FART IN BED?!

IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS. THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR. EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT. THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE CHRISTMAS DAY MORNING, AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS, NECK, GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PARTS, AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO HER. SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPANTS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO HIS SHORTS.. SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRETTY GOOD. ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATTER. HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME AND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'. 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE. 'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED. BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN! LMAO

10th Anniversary of 9/11

Well, here we are the 10th anniversary of 9/11. I wasn't there, but I was still a part of it. Our Nation was attacked, and brutalized. All the lives lost, and sacrificed that day; I felt it. My heart broke and cried out for all those who were "lost", and who were left lonely, and empty. My heart still goes out to you all, and as this year marks a decade since the disaster; I know that some of you if not all will relive that day. May God hold you in His arms, and know that you are not alone....God Bless America For United We STILL STAND!!!

BITCHOLOGY

BITCHOLOGY ~ When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch ~ When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch ~ When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch ~ Guess what ~ I'm a Bitch and proud of it! ~ (◕_◕) ~ BITCH - stands for BABE IN TOTAL CONTROL OF HERSELF! ~

Just A Thought!!!! LMAO!!!!!

I just figured out why I'm overweight! The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says "For extra volume and body". I'm going to start using "Dawn" dish soap. It says " Dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove". Follow me if you have the same issue...and a good sense of humor!!!

THIS IS SO WRONG!!!!!!! BUT STILL SOMEWHAT AMUSING. I JUST HATE CONFLICTING FEELINGS.

An Ohio Girl!

Tough girls come from Texas. Sweet girls come from Georgia. Prissy girls come from Tennessee. Then there's them OHIO girls: Fire & ice n our blood. We can ride quads. Be a princess. Throw a left hook. Pack heat. Fish with the boys Bake a cake. Love with a passion & if we have an opinion... .You are gonna hear it!! Re-post this if ur a OHIO girl and proud of it ♥

SPENDING CUTS!

Salary of the US President. ..$400,000 . Salary of retired US Presidents ...$180,000. Salary of House/Senate...$174, 000. Salary of Speaker of the House.. .$223,500. .. Salary of Majority/Minority Leaders... $193,400.. Average Salary of Soldier DEPLOYED IN IRAQ $38,000... Avg Senior Citizen on Soc. Sec. $12, 000.......I think we found where the cuts should be made! If you agree... repost...........I did !

So Tired of The Drama!

I'm so sick, and tired of all the drama! My boyfriends' drivers license is suspended til Aug 5th, 2011. So, we've been having a friend of ours drive him to work, and pick him up. Everything's all good for a moment; 'til last night! Shawn ( my BF ) calls to let me know he'll be ready to come home in 20 min. As soon as I get off the phone with him a text comes through on my phone from our "friend" asking if he'd called yet. I grab my things, and head downstairs; ready to go. I knock on her door, call her name, and knock again. No response from her at all! So, I'm like fuck it! I'll go get him! I'm half way to his work when she texts me again. I don't even look at my phone, or pick it up. " I'm Driving; Hello!!!!!" LOL.  Anywho, I get Shawn from work, and I check my texts when we got home. The text I recieved from my very opinionated friend is: "I'm sick of your shit you can tak him from now on." 
 Ok, I don't know how I should approach her on this! I'm pissed cause we've done alot for her, and never done her wrong. I know I've done wrong in my past, but I've been minding my P's&Q's for a while now, and only putting out what I want given back. If ya know what I mean.  That outburst from her was totally uncalled for. What should I do? I would love to have your feedback on this! 

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Whatever You Give A Woman

WHATEVER you give a WOMAN, she will MAKE it
GREATER. Give her SPERM, she will give you a BABY. Give her a
HOUSE, she will give you a HOME. Give her GROCERIES,she will give
you a MEAL. Give her LOVE, and she will give you her HEART! She
MULTIPLIES and ENLARGES what she is GIVEN. So, if you GIVE her
CRAP, be PREPARED to RECEIVE a ton of SHIT!!!


live laugh love pictures

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND IT’S SILENT WITNESSES FACT SHEET

 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND IT’S SILENT  WITNESSES
FACT SHEET

 “You know, mom, I can remember more than you think I can.”
                                            –Adult Son of an Abused Mother
▸    Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten by her husband, boyfriend, or live-in partner.

▸    Over 4 million reports of domestic violence against women are filed every year in the United States.

▸    90% of children who live in families where violence occurs have witnessed abuse. These children who see or hear acts of violence; or become more directly involved when the abuser threatens them or uses them to make fun of the other parent.

▸    The psychological effects of witnessing domestic violence can damage a child’s entire life.


▸    Babies born to battered mothers are 4 times more likely to               have a low birth rate, which increases their risk of birth defects and death in the first month of life.

▸    Children under 2 years of age respond to loud noises with increased fear and crying. They are slower to develop speech, and motor skills, and have frequent nightmares.

▸    Children between the ages of 2 and 5 years may begin to act out aggressively or become overly quiet and dependent. These children may also start to blame themselves for the abuse.

▸    By the ages of 6 to 12, children have adopted a way of relating to other people that is modeled after the abuser (aggressive) or modeled after the victim (withdrawn and passive). Some children will try to take on the role of protector and try to stop the violence even though they cannot be responsible for the grown-ups in the family.

▸    Children between the ages of 12 and 18 often develop even more severe emotional problems. Children who witness ongoing family violence are highly likely to; run away from home, use drugs and alcohol, commit suicide, and become pregnant at an early age.

▸    As adults these children are more likely to be abusive with their partners and their children. 

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE TROUBLE SPELLING, TRY THIS!!!!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE TROUBLE SPELLING, TRY THIS!!!! AOCDRNDICG TO RSCHEEARCH AT CMABRIGDE UINERVTISY , IT DSENO'T MTAETR WAHT OERDR THE LTTERES IN A WROD ARE, THE OLNY IPROAMTNT TIHNG IS TAHT THE FRSIT AND LSAT LTEETR BE IN THE RGHIT PCLAE. TIHS IS BCUSEAE THE HUAMN MNID DEOS NOT RAED ERVEY LTETER BY ISTLEF, BUT THE WROD AS A WLOHE. IF YOU CAN RAED TIHS, PSOT IT TO YUOR WLAL. OLNY 55% OF PLEPOE CAN